24.03.2009.

 

And then I have this lump in my throat….. this sense of wrong.

I wish I could make it simple…. I just tell my sad story and everybody weeps.

( I cant remember who I'm quoting in the last line)

North England / 24th March / 22:07 GMT

06.03.2009.

 

…………continued

the Guitarist …………

 

he lay there…. for hours…. and hours and hours some times…. sunrays filter through the glass windows of the living room…. the Guitarist drenched in light, face obscured by the shadows lay there…. innumerable illuminated specks of mortal dust in the sunrays, held in view…. but not in contemplation…. he lay there…. the Guitarist liked the house…. ‘this house beholds the sun all day’ - he thought…. ‘and bathes me in moonlight through the night’…. the house listens to his fickle murmurs in Melodic Minor…. and to his desolate whispers in E Minor …. it smiled the other day at his reverberating notes of Happy Blues in E 7^th…. its cheerful echoes consummated his vibrant sounds of C & G Major….  the Guitarist sensed its longing gaze at his solemn rustling D Minor 7^th Arpeggios …. and he lay there picking out a whimsy twang here…. a melancholy note there…. not really playing…. composing his silent musing in tangible notes he wished to become music…. the Guitarist was a dreamer…. a little boy had once been his friend…. and had spoken to him of his dreams…. the boy was past…. the Guitarist however had dreamt on his dreams for him…. he loved rain…. he loves watching the air bubbles take shape in the puddles…. float around then fritter and dissolve to become one with the rain again…. sometimes he would sit by the window through a stormy night…. listening to the winds song…. to the soft drumming tales of raindrops on the glass windows…. the Guitarist would sometimes sigh and then leave abruptly to go for a walk…. wandering aimlessly with the coltish grace of the meandering river…. and he would always pause and look…. whenever he saw a child & father together…. wanting to learn the feeling…. he would bask in the colours of spring while sipping coffee in a pavement café…. ….

 

 

 

    ….. some things in life deserve to be left incomplete….. that is so because a neatly tied up end would probably rob the charm….. I decided to leave ‘the Guitarist’ incomplete.

 

06.03.2009.

I do…..

Live everyday.

I want to…..

I want my GrandPa. I want to happily eat ‘Doodh/Bhaat’ believing its ‘Payesh’ because Dida said so. I want to be thrilled listening to how my GrandPa escaped with two revolvers when the British came to arrest him. I want to fall asleep for the umpteenth time listening to stories from our family’s time in Bhutan. I want to hate going to school for the first time. I want to be afraid of the dark. I want to smell ‘Garom bhaat, makhon, dim sedho, alu sedho and daal with green chilies’…..exactly the way Mumma used to feed me. I want a Leo Toy ‘Mauser’ pistol. I want to be spanked by Mashi for flunking maths. I want to sob if my Mumma is not back from office on time. I want to climb our mango tree…. see the crows lay eggs…. and the crow-lings hatch. I want to play cricket in my para and vanish like a mirage at the sound of a crashing window pane. I want a bicycle. I want to try to stifle those tears and fail after a disastrous bicycle stunt gone wrong. I want the hair rising thrill of watching ‘The Guns of Navarone’ and find the inspiration to climb up a drain pipe to Satya Babu’s third floor roof to retrieve a cricket ball. I want the first fugitive steps of puberty…. into the forbidden cities of Hadley Chase….Saratchandra...Eric Van Lustbader and....err..... I want to fall in love. I want to smile ...for nothing in particular. I want to write letters. I want to call home and her from every port. I want to come home after the long voyage is over. I want to take my family to the hills. I want to see their smiles when I unravel their gifts. I want to walk around ‘Gawrer Maath’ in driving rain. I want to eat Daal Bora’s from that old man near Victoria and listen to his opinion of the world. I want to sit on top of my car right in the middle of 2^nd Hooghly Bridge in rain, seeping beer with my buddy. I want to send flowers to the woman I will love ….. on a random day. I want to read. On a wintry morning I want to catch a ride on the first morning tram….. take a walk on Red Road, past Eden Gardens… watch the morning hubbub in Babughaat…. drink tea from that stall. I want to marry the woman I will love. I want to take her to Periyaar in monsoon.... Scottish Highlands in winter.... to my Africa. I want twins…..umm if not I want a daughter. I want to play with Sasha. I want to hold her in my arms and hum her to sleep. I want to answer all her questions like ….. Where do fireflies go during the day? Who are Leprechauns? If she can marry Tintin when she grows up? I want to write fantasy tales for Sasha when I'm away at sea..... tales of faraway lands…Gilgits…Amurs…. The Khorh….… Akobanga.... Rushai Serenyo…. Dragons… Fairies…. Dwarfs and Wizards. I want to pick her up after school and eat icecream together. I want to watch her grow.... learn to ride a bicylcle.... teach her to drive. I want to grow old. I want two rocking chairs and a table lamp. 

And spring began….. 

28.02.2009.

 

Channel : IBI (Idiot Box Infinity)

On Air : 08:00 pm… Saturday

 

Saturday Night with I Jai…….

 

 

I -       Welcome to Saturday Night with I Jai…….. I am your host ‘I’ we got a fun show for you tonight. If you are a parent out there please be advised that the content is inappropriate for young viewers. If you are a young viewer and your parents aren’t around ….don’t give a hoot.

 

            Our guest tonight is ….. ‘Jai’ the newest spiritual Guru on the block… the wise guy doing the rounds and our topic is his philosophy of life.

 

                (Unseen hands are heard clapping vigorously with excited hoops emanating from faceless mouths)

 

I -       Welcome to the show ‘Jai’ how are you feeling tonight?

 

Jai -   Oh I’m excited apart from the fact that I wonder – “What Latitude or Longitude I’ve got to?” 

 

(He had not the slightest idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either. He was quoting from ‘Alice in Wonderland’)

 

I -       Hahahaha you obviously have a sense of humour. Were you lost?

 

Jai -   I’m often lost…. in deep thought. Unfamiliar territory you see.

 

I -       Like I said very humorous. So tell us all about your philosophy.

 

Jai -   My foot I will. Go buy a ticket to one of my sessions for 5 pounds 60. Get real sonny.

 

I -       Hahahaha marvelous joke. So tell us about you then. How did you become a spiritual ‘Guru’.

 

Jai -   Oh well…. I refused to allow my education to get in the way of my ignorance.

 

I -       Do I detect sarcasm towards education?

 

Jai -   Not at all. I love my teachers but I hate them too.

 

I -       Could you elaborate a bit?

 

Jai -   Uh well… I love them because they help me solve problems.

And I hate them because without them I would have no problems.

 

            That incidentally is my philosophy – Balance…. I call it ‘The Act of Balance’.

 

I -       That’s real deep and very new indeed. So you wanted to become a soldier, ended up as a sailor, left to become a banker, returned to being a sailor and then turned spiritual ‘Guru’. Could you explain that?

 

Jai -   You see ‘I’ …..indecision is my key to flexibility.

 

I -       But given that Indians in general and Bengalis in particular are said to be a people of ‘Middleclass Anxieties’ do you see yourself as acceptable?

 

Jai -   I am single aint I? And I beg your pardon but you are obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.

 

I -       Well then…. let’s get up close and personal with our rapid fire section. Looking at the world today do you believe god wants to see us happy?

 

Jai -   Absolutely. Beer is the constant proof that god wants to see us happy.

 

I -       What is your idea of love and marriage?

 

Jai -   Love is blind. Marriage is the eye opener.

 

I -       Do you not yearn for a woman to love.

 

Jai -   I do…. and I will continue to yearn for the woman I will love, till we marry.

 

I -       Why only till you marry?

 

Jai -   From what most married men tell me ….post marriage the ‘Y’ becomes silent.

 

I -       Are you a chauvinist?

 

Jai -   Never. My girlfriend always had the last word in any argument we had.

 

I -       Do you expect me to believe that?

 

Jai -   Holeheartedly….anything I said after her last words was the beginning of a new argument.

 

I -       Do you have any regrets?

 

Jai -   Yes, I was once suspended in school for quoting Einstein on ‘The Theory of Relativity’.

 

I -       I’m surprised….why?

 

Jai -   I quote from my answer paper – “When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on red hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

 

I -       I dare not comment. Have you made any similar scientific observations in ‘The UK’?

 

Jai -   I have. “Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.”

 

I -       Have your talents ever been recognized?

 

Jai -   Oh yes! My line manager in the bank wrote in my appraisal – “He is a man of perseverance. Over the last two years he has reached rock bottom and then he began to dig.”

 

I -       I wonder why they haven’t put you in a zoo?

 

Jai -   Uh… but for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. They decided that it will be difficult for an average ape to believe that I descended from him.

 

I -       Do you laugh at everything?

 

Jai -   You mean why do I laugh at such terrible things? Because humour is my sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy. ‘Con Anima’ my dahlings’.

 

I -       Your given name is ‘Joy’ isn’t it?

 

Jai -   That’s partly correct.

 

I -       Who is ‘Joy’ ?

 

Jai -   Let me answer that with a mildly plagiarized one liner – “Joy is my sorrows unmasked.”

 

I -       Well, it’s time to wrap up the show and thank you ladies and gentlemen and you too ‘Jai’. Join us next week on Saturday Night with I Jai…….